Blucky. I coined this term when I was pregnant, it just seemed to describe how I felt to the "T". It's a mix between blah and yucky. Blucky. That's my mood today. I woke up this morning, in a foul mood. Tired, irritable, angry, lethargic, and down right mean. Nothing has really gone wrong today. I don't have a flat tire. I have food in my pantry and fridge. I was able to get a shower and a little bit of rest time during Lucy's nap, so what is wrong with me? How did I go from thinking on some heavy stuff, wanting to surrender all my life to the Lord, to thinking I just want to hide my head in the sand or better yet, just go back to bed. What in the world is going on here!
Well I can tell you one reason I came up with. My sweet comfortable life has already started going into cruise control ie: God. I am convinced He reads blogs because somehow He got word that I am not so keen on my comfy, squishy, care bear life being uncomfortable. Scott and I have a friend who has some needs financially, spiritually, and stomach-lly (he sometimes needs food), and we have been trying to help him but can't help as much right now. Scott being the amazing person he is, and I mean that with all seriousness he is awesome, invited him to church. He came. He has actually come three times. He joined the church. Which may seem great, yes I know strike me now I said "may seem great." But this has thrown me for a loop hole.
Scott and I recently made the decision to join a new church. It was a super difficult decision and was emotionally draining for me, and Scott. I was leaving the place I had called my "church home" for over 20 years. Most of my family and many of the people there I have know since I was negative nine months are there. So finding a new "home" was challenging. Blessed as we are, we found our new "home" relatively quickly. I was actually finding it refreshing to not know everyone and their mother, literally. No one really knew my past, my mistakes, my "tendencies", anything that could be a hindrance to my relationship with them. It really was like a cool glass of water on a hot day, refreshing.
But all good things have a reality, and that was when our friend joined the church. He has needs, and we brought him to church, where he has asked for some of those needs to be met. Man, for once I don't want to be seen as the one who brings the drama! Why does it always, OK always is an extreme (but I never said I wasn't a drama queen), have to be me (us if you include Scott). I just wanted to blend in to the crowd for once, not come in with a pop, pop, BAM (not yet at least, I had everyone convinced we were normal, HA!) Ya'll we JUST joined the church like three weeks ago and already we are bringing someone who has great needs!
Geeze. It feels good to get that off my heart. BUT, now to the part that really makes me feel a foot tall, literally I need to get down on my knees and pray. He deserves and has the right to worship and fellowship with us at our new church all he wants. So what if people see us as bringing the needy in. So what! Doesn't God call me to minister to those in need? To open my door to them? Should he get to worship God any differently just because he has great needs? Who am I to stand in his way. Sheesh! All this to say, I am quickly seeing that blank contract, being filled with situations similar in comfortability to this one. I am going to have to get up and move on from my uncomfortable feelings and get on with the life God has desired for me.
Easier said than done. Be in prayer for me, I'll be in prayer for you.
Toodles!
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