A Generation in Need of Help!

Recently, I have been really distraught by my generation and the generation ahead of me. I feel like we are under the impression that we don't need to learn from our elders. We know best. It's so prideful. I know this is going to step on toes and although I do not mean to offend it probably will.

What happened to learning from those who have gone before us? Why do men my age think that they should start a new, with the times, church? Why can't they go and learn under some very great Pastors that can mentor and help cultivate their hearts so they can grow in ministry? Why can't people who have kids lay down their pride and say you know what I don't know everything and stop questioning people put into leadership with proper training and who have experienced raising children!

Give it up! Set aside your pride and listen (this is me telling myself too) I have so much to learn and those who are older than me, I mean 50's and up (no offense to the 30's and 40's).  I should be on my toes waiting to hear what they have to say. My Grandma every week tells me a story about her past or something she used to do with her kids or a meal she would cook, how she would clean something. Listen! I need to listen to her, she has been there done that! So stop thinking you know everything and LISTEN!

If I would listen to half the things my Mom says to me I would be in good shape. She has the best advice/wisdom and she knows her stuff. If I would just listen more I could learn so much!

To my generation and the one ahead, stop trying to know it all and LISTEN!

OK, I am done with m rant. Sorry, it is my blog and from the beginning I said I would be straight up.

What a week.

Seriously I have to say this has been one of the worst weeks Scott and I have had in a while. We are totally worn down and though I know it could be worse, and I am thankful it is not, it still was a very long week.

Monday started out pretty good. I didn't feel great, my back was hurting and I was cramping some butI just chalked it up to baby Charlie being well a baby in my tummy. So I went to my Grandma's house to hand out and help her around her house. I ended up leaving 45 minutes after getting there just not feeling great. Back pain was getting a little worse and Lucy being fussy, for the fourth week in a row may I add, I decided to go home and rest. Got home rested and the back pain and cramping persisted.

About 11:00am Lucy woke up and I was determined we were going to go on a picnic so I got up and got her, but I started having really painful cramping in my lower abdomen and back. I kept trying to say it will pass, I'm just sore. But after getting in the car we immediately got out and went back in. I began to have what felt like contractions. If you have had a baby there is no mistaking it. It started in my lower back and just wrapped around to my stomach, and my stomach felt hard. I felt like maybe OK it's just bad gas... What I'm pregnant? I called my doctors office, then Scott, and then my Mom. I couldn't seem to get comfortable an it did not pass with a trip to the potty...

About 30 minutes after calling my doctor with no reply, my Mom and I decided it was time to go to Triage. What I was feeling was intense and scary and not right. So we dropped off Lucy at Beth's house and headed to the Women's Pavillion. Which was a great! It wasn't busy, it was quiet, and they brought me back within 20 minutes. They took a urine sample and hooked me up to the itchy contraction machine. Although I KNOW I was having contractions they weren't showing up which was utterly frustrating. But the nurse said I may not have been far enough along to pick up the contractions. They believe the Mommy over the monitor :)

I gotta say driving to the hospital and sitting waiting to see the doctor I was utterly convicted with guilt for the way I have been acting towards this pregnancy. I kept thinking I was losing Charlie. I am only 20 weeks, well 21 now, and there is such a low chance he would survive if he is born now. I was just hit with sadness and guilt. I have been such a complainer about this pregnancy. Yes, there are some really unpleasant things, but all to often I have neglected to say "Thank you GOD for this precious little boy you have given me!" The thought of losing him was just heartbreaking. Definitely a wake up call.

Once the doctor came in he told me there was a lot of blood in my urine (sorry I don't know how else I can put it?) So basically I just had a super bad urinary tract infection or a kidney stone. Thank goodness we are pretty sure there is no kidney stone, pretty sure we would know by now. But because my uterus sits on my bladder the infection was causing the contractions. Phew! What a sigh of relief Scott and I gave when we found out that was all! Baby Charlie's heart beat sounded great and he didn't seem to be disturbed by the little earthquake going on around him.

Got some antibiotics and thought OK this will all be over soon. Nope. Monday night Lucy woke up a few times and was really stuffed up, but tylenol seemed to help her. Tuesday morning I woke up feeling miserable. I couldn't get up out of bed. What? Mommy's don't get sick days! Luckily my Dad and sister tag teamed watching Lucy and I got some needed rest. Feeling better that evening I thought I was on the mend... When Lucy, poor baby, decided to cut four teeth. She was up until 3:30am crying and fussing, stuffed up from her sinus's, and teeth hurting her like crazy. Needless to say Wednesday I called the Dr. We have been dealing with little Lucy not sleeping and tugging at her ears and being stuffed up for over 3 weeks. They prescribed us some antibiotics and we didn't have to come in! Thank the Lord! We have already been twice this month for the same problem! I am so happy we have finally gotten antibiotics! She is still on the mend and has one more tooth coming through so maybe we are on the tail end of this!

Wednesday was worse than Tuesday, just because my back has been killing me! I was convinced that the infection had moved to my kidney. My Dr told me to double my water and keep taking antibiotics. Well I can say they know what they are doing, I tripled my water intake and have taken all my antibiotics and can honestly say I woke up this morning feeling an insane amount better, Thank ya Jesus!! My back went from barely able to sit, to being just fine. Antibiotics are great but God is good and the ultimate healer! Hopefully, the antibiotics got all the infection, but I am encouraged by the progress one night made!

It may not seem like that rough of a week to some, but it's been a long few months for Scott and me. I keep telling Scott, when are we just going to hit the bottom of the well. There has to be an end. We have a far distance to climb out! Still working on that attitude, but I know deep inside God has a purpose for all of this in our lives right now. Either way I am so thankful for Lucy and Charlie. They are a blessing. I love them. Well and Scott too! Thanks for reading and keep praying! God is in the works and I know He is looking out for our families best, even if it hurts.

Deterimined!

Yesterday was just right out depressing. I didn't feel good, Lucy was still a little fussy from getting over her sickness for the last two weeks and I was just weary and worn out! But, last night Scott and I were talking, ya know at midnight because that seems to be the only time we can have really good conversations is right before we sleep, and just decided that it was enough! It's OK sometimes to feel frustrated about life. God wants to hear it, He wants my honesty. But it't not OK to dwell on it and harvest it in my heart. Harvesting sin, is never a great crop and will ultimately rot and spoil my insides. So we decided last night, enough is enough!

Enough being a depressing Mommy that I have been. Some days are rough and most days I may be tired, but I gotta tough it out and move on. God is good and great and has given me an amazing family. Life is not fair, and we may not ever get ahead. I may never feel well rested again, but in Heaven I will have eternity to feel renewed. So this morning I got up, showered, drank my coffee, and had some breakfast. Got everything done that I needed to for my fam and am now about to go read some of the Word. Am I still tired, yes! Do I wish Lucy would just take a nap currently, yes! Do I want to crawl back into bed, yes! BUT, that's not what I need to be doing. I need to glorify God today and everyday in everything I do. So I'm gonna strive to push through and lean on the Lord for strength.

I am blogging about this because I really need to step it up. It's time for life to be lived to the fullest God has intended for me and my family. What better way to step up than to post it on the world wide web for accountability. Anyways, pray for patience and wisdom from God to help me get a right attitude. 

My New Job

So recently I have been a little down in the dumps about feeling like I am not contributing to our little Bickley family. Budget cuts, well everywhere, have caused budget cuts in our household. Unfortunately, the dough just aint' risin' in our household for our budget cuts to even make a dent in helping us save. With Charlie on the way, so excited, and unexpected but expected bills to pay (house insurance, car insurance, deductible to have baby Charlie you know the bills that just seem to creep up on you) popping up everywhere it seems like we will never get a breath of air. What a depressing thought?

I have looked at getting a job, but to pay for childcare, and the fact that I am almost 4 months pregnant it's not worth it for me to get a job right now. I just have felt so helpless because all I have felt like I could do was try my best to budget wisely and take care of Lucy. But let me be honest in saying I have not taken "budgeting wisely" seriously. It's been random, "OK I'll save today!" Then the next day I spend money on something not needed or decide to get take outs instead of just cooking the meal I had planned.

So my new job, that I have applied for, don't ask how it's just metaphorically speaking (?), and accepted is going to be the Bickley Budgetter. I am the new VP of the Bickley's Budget. I will pay myself in savings for  family and will work full time starting well today. It is September 1st. I love starting new things on the first of the month :o) So here is my new job description:

-I will be required to meal plan and use what is available in my kitchen.
-This means meal planning from breakfast to my midnight snack.
-Eating out will only have a $20 budget a month. That includes my cravings.
-I will be required to carry around a little notebook to write down every expense, even if I do look like a dork (whatevs).
-Any fun money I get, will be put in a designated account that will not be touched unless the purchase is thoroughly thought out and necessary.
-No more fabric will be bought until one storage bin is empty of fabric.
-I will think resourcefully and not buy on a whim.
-That means that if it aint' on the list, it aint' gettin' bought. 
-I'll suck it up and keep the air at it's set temperature and not change it.
-I will coupon every week unless my family needs me otherwise. (Basically, it wont become an idol but will try to do my best at saving)
-Lucy and I will have a more tight schedule, and free or cheap activities will be researched to ensure we stay in a $10 a month budget for activities.
-Splurging is not allowed unless there is fun money to back it up, and even then it is discouraged.

So I know this seems a little silly or possibly ridiculous to some, but these are the things I struggle with and need better discipline in. I'll hopefully blog about how it's going to this month and maybe, just maybe, will see some risin' in our dough! And hey, tough times call for tough measures, as Mr. B always reminded us in economics, "there's no such thing as a free lunch." Not sure if that's relevant but again, whatevs.